Last week, I had just finished writing about Rejection on Sat & then Ps Khong spoke about rejection on Sun, a part of it when he was expounding on Colossians 3:1-14.
Last Sat, I met a visitor who came to my cell. Her countenance didnt seem quite right & later I discovered it was a deep sense of rejection that had caused a disorder in her life. Well, I managed to persuade her to go for Encounter (EW) which our church organises almost every month. She's really looking forward to it because she wants to be set free & see her marriage turn around.
An EW is an experience of coming face to face with God & His Word. It also confronts you & your past & uproots the negative influences totally from your life. It's good the EW is done homogeneously. For those who had gone for the EW, their story is nothing short of a miracle. 95% of the time, we had to deal with the rejection in their lives.
Did you know that your Dad suffered from rejection? He was already rejected in Mama's womb because it was an untimely birth for her. Although Mama dotes on him, somehow he could not feel accepted. He struggled through school with low self esteem & life was full of frustrations & tests but God always provided a way for him when there was no way.
At the session on 'Faith to Heal', he broke down.. terribly. At that moment, God took away his rejection at birth & gave him acceptance supernaturally. I could sense he was a 'new' man when he came back from the EW. Although he is a good husband & father, he was sensitive & often felt accused if I was too forthright. We had a tough time in our marriage in the initial years & it's made worse coz both of us have a 'D' personality. The saving grace is of course, we are both willing to confront our problems after our anger had subsided.
I too went through a powerful EW in 2002 one which completely took me by surprise. Ok, I wanted to mention this experience in Deliverance, but I'll share here since I'm talking about EW. At the session of Baptism of the Holy Spirit, someone prayed for me & within 1 second of her laying hands on me, I fell backward. Supernaturally, as I lay on the floor, I was brought back all the way to the day when my father's coffin was about to be lowered in the ground. I saw myself - a 6-year old girl beside my mum who was crying uncontrollably. I never ever saw her in that state. She was a strong woman.
The scene was so real! Until now, I still wonder if I had actually been there.. a 2nd time. Anyway, I was very afraid that my mum would jump into the hole & be buried with the coffin. Fear gripped me & then anger came - "Why did a good man like him have to die early in his forties?" At that moment, demonic influence of fear & anger had a connection to my soul.
Over the years, I questioned God on why my dad had to die without salvation. I was angry & I promised myself that I would not need help from anyone even though I was fatherless. I would be able to survive on my own & protect myself. I became fiercely independent & that wasnt good for my marriage coz a couple has to be interdependent on each other.
At the EW, when I responded to God, He took away my wound of anger, self righteousness, independent spirit & pride. Ohh.. that pride is a real killer! I cried uncontrollably; I tried to stop it coz I had never cried in public before & I was not about to lose my dignity. It was no use. The Holy Spirit was too powerful for me. Haha. I felt such a strong presence of love in that room as though God was embracing me, comforting me & soothing me. I dont know how long I was 'pinned' to the floor, but I didnt care what people think anymore!
You cannot imagine how relieved I was in not trying to be strong on my own. From then on, I stopped asking God about my father... automatically. My yoke was taken off my shoulder & I was able to learn how to depend on God & the Holy Spirit.
From that day onwards, I was able to cry which goes to show that my heart was not hardened anymore. I was able to feel what others feel.. meaning when I sit near someone who has an emotional problem, most of the time, I could feel the ache, the pain or anger etc.
Subsequently I went for 2nd EW which dealt with other less significant issues & I was completely delivered. God can heal a person COMPLETELY in 1 EW but because sometimes, our pain is so deep, we cannot handle it all at once. We need 2 to 4 EWs before we can be totally delivered. It's good to go for a refresher sometime & I've gone for more than 17 EWs since 2002 till now. After the 2nd EW, I went to minister not to be ministered anymore.
So Calvin, you should go for the adults EW - the next one is on 19-21 Nov at Bukit Merah. I dont think the youth & children EWs did much for you.. you were so playful. If you cant, then wait for Jan 2011; I doubt there is EW in Dec.
I've no doubt you had hurts, may not be so severe as others since we are a complete family with Christian values & love & acceptance showered on you. But Im sure we may have inflicted some wounds on you as a child when we demanded that you do some things in a certain way. It's soul cleansing & you should let God do a deep cleansing in your heart.
Even though I had gone for EW, I make an effort to keep my deliverance by sticking close to the Word in order to keep the door of my past closed TIGHTLY. Sometimes I may slip but I always go back to God for repentance.
Someone is flying down today from Indonesia to meet up with your dad. Something happened back home & we know everything that had happened in his life stamped from his rejection. His violence, dissatisfaction with life & finally, he's facing them. That's good coz that would be the 1st step for him to live out his destiny, the way God wants.
Your dad & I have stepped into the last phase of our destiny, your dad 1st, about 2 yrs ago, then it would be me starting from next year. You know, God takes many years to prepare us, the experiences we went through, the building up of our character takes a long time but it is worth it! I believe our marketplace ministry will be connected to North Asia & so will the 2 of you & your future spouses. That I think we are 95% sure.
I believe that working in pairs is powerful unless you are called to a life of celibacy. Often, people would say to us, " When I see the both of you together, I see unity." Yes, God says that husband & wife will be 1 flesh & that's the reason why we have to draw close together, build our intimacy & protect each other, especially the man (head of the household) needs to protect the woman he loves, never subjecting her to ridicule & attacks by others.
If you want to be liberated, go for EW & be scrubbed CLEAN from top to bottom with dettol...hee ....
Daniel 11:32 says " ... the people who do know their God shall be strong & do exploits."
Bless both of you to be just that.
Love, Mum