Sexual Union

We are all sexual beings created by God.  We are either male or female attracted only to the opposite gender.  We are not bisexual or homosexual as some would have us believe.


When the Old Testament talks about a man having sexual relationship with the woman, it used 2 distinct phrases:


1)  The man knew the woman.
2)  The man lay with the woman.


There is a careful distinction between the two.  The bible only says the man knew the woman if the relationship between the man and the woman was legitimate, based on a covenant.  If the man merely has a sexual relationship without making a covenant with her, the bible merely says he lays with the woman.


Referring to point nbr 1, the word know/knew/knowing is not readily grasped as 'know' has a much deeper meaning in the original scriptural context than merely knowing facts.  In Genesis 4:1 "And Adam knew Eve his wife..."(King James version).   Adam had sexual relations with his wife but merely to limit it to a sexual relationship is to completely miss the purpose of God.  What God is aiming at is at the word 'knowing'.  The end purpose of marriage that God has for us is through the union, the man and the woman truly know one another.   Marriage -- Union -- Knowing 


Mark 8:36-37 "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?"


Jesus was talking about the worth of the human soul.  Marriage is planned by God to open the way for 2 human souls to know each other; to know each other to the innermost depths of every area of their lives - physical, mental, emotional & culturally.  This is how D Prince explains it.  I could not have done it better. In the union of 2 persons, some people put all the emphasis on sex, some put it all on the intellect.  But in God, it is the total knowing by one person of another.


When God insists on a commitment & a covenant in a marriage, He is providing protection for each party from being exploited & betrayed.  Any woman who allows herself to be sexually exploited by men without that man first making a covenant & a commitment, she's really prostituting her personality.  This is not just talking about sexual immorality, the woman is desecrating the most precious thing that she has - her personality, exposing her personality to someone who is not willing to pay the price!  It is the same with men.


There is a lot to talk about lust. But in a nutshell, the essence of lust is using a human personality as a means, not appreciating the personality in itself, but exploiting it for selfish use.  It applies to both man and woman. 


Proverbs 7:6-27 (New Living Translation) describes it most vividly.
6 I was at the window of my house looking through the curtain,
 ⁷ I saw some naive young men and one in particular who lacked common sense.
 ⁸ He was crossing the street near the house of an immoral woman, strolling down the path by her house ⁹ It was at twilight, in the evening, as deep darkness fell.
 ¹⁰ The woman approached him, seductively dressed and sly of heart.
 ¹¹ She was the brash, rebellious type, never content to stay at home.
 ¹² She is often in the streets and markets, soliciting at every corner.
 ¹³ She threw her arms around him and kissed him, and with a brazen look she said,
 ¹⁴ “I’ve just made my peace offerings and fulfilled my vows.
 ¹⁵ You’re the one I was looking for! I came out to find you, and here you are!
 ¹⁶ My bed is spread with beautiful blankets, with colored sheets of Egyptian linen.
 ¹⁷ I’ve perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
 ¹⁸ Come, let’s drink our fill of love until morning.  Let’s enjoy each other’s caresses,
 ¹⁹ for my husband is not home.  He’s away on a long trip.
 ²⁰ He has taken a wallet full of money with him  and won’t return until later this month.

²¹ So she seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery.
²² He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap,
²³ awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart. He was like a bird flying into a snare, little knowing it would cost him his life.

²⁴ So listen to me, my sons and pay attention to my words.
²⁵ Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her.  Don’t wander down her wayward path.
²⁶ For she has been the ruin of many; many men have been her victims.
²⁷ Her house is the road to the grave.  Her bedroom is the den of death.

God says in Hebrew 13:4 that He is going to judge the adulterers & the sexually immoral.  Fornicators are those who have a sexual relationship without the covenant commitment and the adulterers are those who entered into a sexual relationship with someone outside their marriage covenant.  But I think God will judge the adulterer much more severely because he/she has broken the covenant which is of great importance in God's eyes.


Peter & I knew of a decent young chap who died of AIDS some 20 years ago.  He got mixed up with a very bad crowd and worst, he went on holiday with them.  At his friends' prodding, he decided to try out sex with a prostitute in Thailand.  He thought that since his friends had it many times, there was no harm in trying it out.  Anyway what are the chances of getting VD or AIDS for trying it out the 1st time?  Well, he got unlucky.  Peter visited him a few times and within a year, he died of AIDS.  He was only 23 years old!  


Peter's old classmate, a very good looking guy got AIDS too. He had so much going for him and because he could not accept the disease, he committed suicide. His parents were devastated. He hung out with terrible people who gave him the disease. So you see, you dont have to get AIDS from prostitutes, but from friends who are sexually immoral!


So how can we protect ourselves?  


The answer is found in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20.
¹⁸ Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually, sin against their own bodies. ¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.


There are many things we are asked by God to fight & confront our sins/situations face to face.  But ONLY with sexual immorality, we are asked to flee, not fight it.  Run!


We have to order our lives according to God's law.  Accept what God says about the sanctity of our bodies, the sanctity of our marriage and bed undefiled.  Dont sin against our own bodies. 


God is always right and what He says in the Word is good for us.  God sets up fences & boundaries for our good & protection.  If we rebel against it, it will be to our own destruction.  Ip, we have to pray for our mutual friend, if he continues to sin, he will meet with destruction & worse he will not find salvation in God.


Another step to watch is what you allow into your heart as well as what you let out of your heart.  If a person indulges in fantasies/explicit sexual scene, these can warp his/her perspective of what he/she is looking for.  So if a relationship is based on flirtations & shallow or physical involvement, it can keep a person from finding the person he/she is really seeking for.  Proverbs 4:23  "Above all guard your hearts for everything you do flows from it."  

Matthew 5:27-28 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

This shows that God judges intentions rather than deeds.  When I wanted to decorate my new home, I would already have a mental idea of what it would be like to have it. The same applies to your relationships with people. Thus a mental act of adultery will precede any physical action.  Your circumstances might never permit a physical act of adultery to take place, however, rehearsing it in your mind is every bit as offensive to God.

God frequently used marriage as a metaphor for his covenantal relationship with Israel. Hence, when the prophets were called to criticise God’s people for lusting after foreign nations, the activity was condemned in the same terms as the ‘adultery’ with foreign gods to which it later led.  For people to respect the wisdom of God, they have to reserve their gaze for him alone and abhor adultery.

If we consciously guard our hearts, we will have the abundant life that Jesus talks about.  God is good all the time!!  You will see, Ip, that he is SO real!! So marriage bells ringing in the near future?  Haha


Blog about prayer the next round.  Ta!

Which One Lord?

Dear lp


You see the picture on the right? Dont ever go to monster-com, you might date someone called Vampire instead of a werewolf... Vampires suck your blood dry, if you know what I mean..hahaha .. 


I once heard a man ask a church leader, "How does the Lord guide us in finding a mate?"  The leader's answer was "Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him & he will do it."  That sure wasnt helpful to the young man.  I'm not saying scriptures arent important but at that moment that chap was just asking for some handles.  That's what I will be attempting to do - give you some guidelines but the final say is from God.


As you know already, God is the one who came up with the idea of marriage and He is the one who will find the spouse for all his children.  He found a wife for Isaac, Abraham's son (Genesis 24:11-21).  God was very specific and He told Abraham to send his servant to a place by the well and there he would encounter Isaac's future wife.  


There are some things we ought to take note in finding our life partner.


1)  Cultivate right friendship
Normally,marriage develops out of friendship. If you mix with people of the same faith, same commitment to God, same goals, then that's a great pool & it is much easier for God to provide you a mate of his choice out of the Christian friends that you have. Therefore, keeping an eye on the group you are hanging out with is important.  Mixing with believers is a safeguard against marrying a non believer.


Immoral behaviours & ungodly habits in the person you are dating are red flags. That includes girls as well.  When I was17, I got to know an 18 year old girl who told me about the many things she received from the guys she dated and as I got to know her better, she told me erotic stories of what she did with those guys & even encouraged me to go out with them. I had to cut off my friendship with her as I didnt want to be in the company of her male friends.  


I loved to ice skate in my secondary school days and so after school on Fridays, I would go ice-skating with my classmates.  On one occasion, a young Indonesian guy came to the rink & passed out his name cards to girls he took a fancy to.  After skating, I tore up his card & threw it into the bin.  His intention was simple, he just wanted to sleep around.  Also, guys like that always think they are God's gift to women!


2)  Approval from Parents
If God speaks to you about marrying someone, God will definitely speak to your parents about that potential son in law or daughter in law.  It is so important that you get approval from parents otherwise they will not bless your marriage. I had to break the cursed words (received from in-laws) from a friend's life simply because her in-laws did not approve of her marriage to their son. Her marriage had problems right from the beginning.  


3)  Confirmation from your Pastor, leaders or godly Christian friends
Godly leaders can play a significant role in our lives & we can go to them to seek counsel.  When God places a leader over you, God does give his authority and power to the leader over the members that he is taking care of.


4)  Hearing God's voice through reading the bible
Often, we overlook the Word of God and instead we look at our circumstances or look for open doors.  Remember whatever circumstances or open doors we find ourselves in, we still have to look to the Word for confirmation.  Satan can open wrong doors for you and can deceive you through signs.  A young girl whom I know said she was so wrong to allow signs to deceive her.  She prayed and said to God that the first stranger-man who carried her in his arms would be the one.  It did happen but her relationship did not have a happy ending because it lacked the strong backing from the Word of God.


Some of us have difficulty in hearing God's voice through the Word. After all, the bible is just white sheets of paper with black ink and how can that ever become a voice, the spoken Word of God?  There is only one power that can turn those black ink on white paper into the voice of GOd and that power is the Holy Spirit. We are to be totally dependent on Him.  Say, "Holy Spirit, help me to understand your Word, tell me what I need to know." And then that still small voice which is God's spirit will guide you from within.
Sometimes when God speaks, I hear it in my heart; it feels like my heart at that moment skip a beat, or my heartbeat quickens because the words 'jump' at me. Your heart must be programmed to open at one voice - God's voice!


5)  Wait for God's timing
Rushing into a marriage is disastrous because you will choose a man or a women over the Lord.  We find this is true in the bible.  Solomon's heathen wives led him into idolatry.  Samson lost his eyes because of Delilah.  David committed murder because of his passionate lust for Bathsheba. They were not wives chosen by God.


There is an appointed time for you to meet your mate.  If you trust in God fully, you will not miss that divine appointment.  It may be at the most unlikely places.  Listen & wait for God's confirmation.


6)  Emotions can be misleading
Our emotions need to be cleansed often.  If God is not in the relationship, it is not true love.  What this world calls love is really lust since it is built on what the other person can do for me, not what I can do for him/her.  


Satan can give us emotions or feelings of love for someone of his choosing so that he can split up marriages or relationships.  One of his favourite techniques is to suddenly take away the feelings one once had for his/her mate & give the feelings for someone else.  When satan has successfully convinced a person that he/she no longer loves his/her mate, then he leads their relationship to destruction.


Certainly God can give us wonderful emotional feelings for the one we are to marry.  However, these 'feelings' without God's direction can be disastrous as satan can tamper with our emotions & feelings too. Emotions should always follow NOT lead!


7)  Realise Your Value
Christians belittle themselves and underestimate themselves.  What they do not realise is that they are really criticizing God and his workmanship.
Ephesians 2:10  "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."   No matter what we have been before becoming a Christian, in Christ, we are God's masterpiece. In Christ, we have the forgiveness of sins.  
Don't make yourself cheap, particularly girls in their relationship with a man.  If a young man gets something cheap, he isnt going to value it very highly.  Any young man that is worth marrying is not interested in a young woman who throws herself at him.  Of course, it doesnt mean that the young woman has to be proud but it does mean that she has to live in such a way that the young man can see her value.  It is unlikely that anyone will value you more highly than yourself. So all of us need to get rid of low self esteem and get the facts right about ourselves. We are God's masterpiece; Jesus came to redeem every sinner, cleanse him/her & then set him/her apart for Himself for good works.


8)  Dont Be Idealistic
Some people are too idealistic about whom they would consider marrying.  Since God is perfect, it is felt that you must not settle for anyone who does not fully measure up to the image of an ideal mate. Such persons are too quick to bail out of a relationship at the 1st sign of another's imperfections while others wait endlessly for that perfect relationship that never comes along.  


Im simply amazed at some parents who want a perfect son-in-law or daughter-in-law for their imperfect son and daughter!  


lp I shall write about sex in my next blog.  It will be something interesting for you since you are a new Christian.  Sex is not just the physical union between a man and a woman; it is through the sexual union within marriage that the man and the woman truly discover & know each other in the innermost parts of their personalities.

Love, love
Harriet

The Role of a Husband and a Wife

Hi lp


I hope you have understood the importance of a covenant.  God takes covenant very seriously and those who enter into covenants and break it will suffer heavy losses or consequences.


Anyway, back to the role of a husband and a wife.  There are basic roles for each gender.  I will start with the husband.


The husband has 3 basic responsibilities:


1) To be the Head
1Corinthians 11:3 "Now I want you to realise that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God"
This implies that decision making & direction come from the Head.  Taking the body as an example, all parts of the body can communicate with the head but it is the head that ultimately decides and directs.  The man of the house has to take the initiative according to God's way of how God looks at the husband. Some men are afraid to take that role as he fears making the wrong decision.  He forgets that he has a helper - his wife!


2) To be the Provider
1Timothy 5:8 says "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever."


Don't you think those are very strong words?  A man who doesn't provide for his wife and children is deemed to be worse than an unbeliever!  Although provision is primarily related to financial, it is not limited to just that.  The husband is also responsible for the total well-being of his wife - physical, emotional, social & cultural.  He has to see all her legitimate needs are met.  The wife is to be her husband's glory. and the only proof of that, according to Ps Khong, is to just look at his wife's countenance! Hee...


3) To be the Protector
1Peter 3:7 "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner & as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."


The attitude of some men is that if a woman is weak, you can dominate her but the bible does not think that way.  In the bible, it says that if a woman is weaker than you, you have to honour her.


Also, the husband and wife are joint heirs.  Neither of them can claim the inheritance apart from the other.  Therefore to claim God's inheritance, it will depend on both of them operating together and flowing together.  


According to Derek's own words, he said that "it is the husband's business to protect his wife, to stand between her at every pressure, every blow, everything that would break her down."  If a husband is wise, he will invest in her and help her to reach her fullest potential, which Peter (my husband not the apostle Peter) often says.  If he invests in her, he will receive more joy and satisfaction from his wife.


Ephesians 5 says that husbands have to love their wives just as Christ loved the church & gave himself up for her to make her holy... Love means to nourish & to cherish her like his own body & help her to reach her fullest potential. 


The greatest need of a woman, any woman, is security.  The number one thing that makes a woman secure is a sacrificial selfless man.  The number one thing that makes a woman feel insecure is an insensitive, selfish and detached man.  


The basic role of a wife is to be a HELPER.  According to Genesis 2:18, God said he will make a helper suitable for Adam as it is not good for man to be alone.  


2 ways for the wife to be a helper.  


1)  To uphold
Again, we picture a physical body.  The head is totally dependent on the rest of the body to be upheld & nourished.  However, there is one very important part that is closest to the head & is responsible for upholding the head.  Yes, it is the neck.  The woman is the neck & she should not think it is undignified but should be happy to note that the neck determines which way the head will turn!


2) To encourage
It is so important that the man can look to the wife for encouragement.  Derek Prince couldnt thank God enough for his wife.  There was once he was so discouraged that he wanted to give up preaching.  However, when he woke up the next morning, he felt completely refreshed, ready to start the day.  That was because his wife had spent the night praying for him.  When Peter went into his own business, I had to continually pray and encourage him verbally to keep him going.  He would not have survived so long if not for my constant verbal encouragements which I was happy to give because I want to see him succeed.  In this role as an encourager, the wife has to practise self denial ie when she is feeling dissatisfied with work, home, children or the husband, she has to suppress her own negative feelings in order to cheer her husband up who is equally discouraged.  Well, you  may say that's asking too much... it is, but a good wife will learn to deny herself and think of her husband first - to be his greatest cheer leader & encourager.  If only wives understand that, she will reap good things what she sow in her husband.


Very often, I see the young woman condemning her boyfriend or husband in public, not talking right, not honouring him with her words and not meeting other needs.  The greatest need of a man is respect or honour.  Men are very sensitive in their ego.  When God tells women to honour her husband, He is actually giving her the key to her husband's heart.  Being an equal, the wife can say what she wants to say and do what she wants to do.  But the question is how does she do it?  She has to do it with honour.


I pray this for my children.  For my daughter, she will have a husband who is God fearing and that would cover everything that needs to be covered.  God fearing man follows the ways of the Lord, he is a God pleaser not a man pleaser.  For my son, he will have a prudent wife (Prov 19:14) and Prov 12:4 says "a wife of noble character is her husband's crown but a disgraceful wife is like decay to his bones."  


If couples follow these biblical principles in marriage, it will make them feel safe.  Marriage is never complicated.  It becomes a mess only when couples violated God's basic precepts of the marriage covenant.  Married couples have got to prioritize.  Our parents, friends, hobbies or sports may be our priority but that will change when one is married. 


A man is to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.  If a man can never leave, he will never cleave and that spells DISASTER.   Leaving doesnt mean disrespecting his parents & not caring for them.  It means cutting the apron strings, leaving their negative past with their parents, the ways of their parents and start anew with his wife, a new family unit of his own.


I'm thinking if I should write about how to choose your marriage partner or Prayer as you have requested. Let me know.


Cheers!

The Marriage Covenant

Hi  lp


Sorry I took so long to write but before I write about the Roles of Husband and Wife, I should write about the marriage covenant. This is very important for all Christians ie if they want a long lasting marriage.


I heard Derek Prince talk about the marriage covenant and I'm going to base this writing on his teachings.  It is superb teaching and one I feel everyone should know and understand about covenants.


If people understood the power of marriage as a covenant,it will remove a lot of the mushy sentimentality.  It is possible to have a successful marriage (look at mine and many others which I can show you).  The success of a marriage does not depend on lack of tension or problems but it depends on establishing a relationship which can stand or overcome these tensions or problems.  Some couples who attend the course put 'No Conflict' within their top 5 expectations.  If anyone does that, it tells us that he/she is not realistic at all.  Even a good marriage has conflicts and if handled properly, goes on to become a strong marriage.


The key to a successful marriage is found in the bible and it only works when you apply it.  


God's prophet Malachi has this to say in Malachi 2:13-14 "Another thing you do. You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep & wail because he (God) no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you & the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant."


In Malachi, you can see God attaches a lot of importance to covenants much more than most of us realise it.  The men divorced their wives and ignored the bonding between a husband and a wife that God instills (the 2 becomes 1 person) so God was not answering their prayers.


A covenant demands, first, a total & whole-hearted commitment.  God sets the terms not men.  We may laugh at our grandparents' arranged marriage.  Old fashioned as it seemed, their marriage lasted.  It worked!  Because they understood their obligations to each other rather than running on feelings.  Marriage is not meant to be based on romantic or sentimental love on your honeymoon, believe me, it is different when you are back to reality, that is, face the pressure at work, clean the house, cook the meals, mind the kids - on some of those days when you are overwhelmed with work, you wont feel like loving your spouse but it takes commitment to rough through those moments and then things would light up again.  


Secondly, a covenant requires a sacrifice. It means the taking of a life.
Hebrew 9:16-17 "In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it, because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living.  This is why even the first covenant was not put into effect without blood."


The will here refers to a covenant.  A marriage covenant is the same as God's covenant to us.  God fulfilled his part of the covenant by sending his son Jesus to die for us. His death when we accept it in faith, becomes our death.  Likewise, in a marriage covenant, each spouse lays down his/her life for the other, laying aside their desires in order to serve each other. The husband looks at the cross & says, "That death was my death. When I came through the cross, I died. I no longer live for myself." The wife looks at the cross and says the same thing.  


However, the attitude of contemporary culture towards marriage is "What can I get?" or "What is there in this for me?".  


When commitment is present, it releases God's grace.  Divine grace is an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement & character expansion.  WIthout God's grace, there are certain limitations, weaknesses, flaws, impurities & faults humans cannot overcome.  Without commitment, God will not release His grace until both parties have made that commitment.  Grace is never released in experimental 'marriage'.  


In our marriage, we will never say these 2 things:


(1)  I have married the wrong person.
(2)  I want to divorce you.


It's our promise to each other that no matter how bad our situation is, we do not say these words or dwell on it so we are forced to find a solution to our problems or seek a mentor for help. When a couple stop living their own lives, their marriage will reflect the glory of God.


Harriet