Sugar and Spice

Something to smile about.  Below, you'll find some decoding of the unspoken language between husband and wife.

Reading between his lines  -

1)  "Yes, I'll quit my bad habit.. soon."
He's really thinking : This should keep her quiet for awhile because it shows that I'm willing to try. Hopefully, she'll stop at that and give up asking.

2)  "Not tonight, I'm tired."
He's really thinking : I'm not in the mood or There's an English Premier League on tonight. 
However, if he's intentionally avoiding this topic frequently, he may have physical or psychological concerns.

3)  "I'm hungry."
He means : I'm hungry.

4)  "What's wrong?" (1st time)
He means :  I dont see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

5)  "What's wrong?" (2nd time)
He means :  What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going thru now?

6)  "What's wrong?"  (3rd time)
He means :  I guess sex tonight is out of the question.     

7)  "Nothing much.."
He's really thinking : Simply, nothing much.  
However, if he says in a forceful & angry tone, it may mean, "I dont want to talk about my problem." 

 

Reading between her lines  -

1)  "Nothing..."
She's really thinking : You've been an idiot and you'd better say sorry before I walk out.

2)  "It's your decision."
She means : The correct decision should be obvious by now.


3)  "Do what you want."
She means :  You'll pay for this later.


4)  "How much do you love me?"
She means :  I did something today you're really not going to like.


5)  "All we're going to buy is a soap dish."
She means :  It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetic dept, the shoe dept, I need to look at a few new towels,  those blue sheets would look great in the bedroom, and did you bring your cheque book?

6)  "I'm sorry" (reluctant and angry tone)
She means :  You'll be sorry.
  

7)  "You're certainly attentive tonight."
She means : Is sex all you ever think about?

Genesis 1:27  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God, He created him; male and female He created them."

Romans 15:7  "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God.

Happily Incompatible!

 

My dearests

U see the pic above?  The big one is daddy and the cute one next to doggy is your dearest mummy. It should be obvious to you by now that both your dad n I are very different in temperaments & personalities. Inspite of that, we get along just fine.

Anyway, your dad and I were invited to a marriage convention organised by Marriage Central Advisory Board last Friday.  He was out of town so Aunty Swee Noi took his place.  The guest-of-honour was Mrs Yu-Foo Yee Shoon, Minister of State for Community Devt, Youth & Sports.  A straight talker, very grassroot and she makes us laugh.  Acc to a survey done in Spore, she said that there were abt 7,000 divorces out of 26,000 marriages in 2009.  Also, 8 out of 10 Sporeans prefer marriages to singlehood.  9 out of 10 Sporeans feel that they should not divorce.

So why are there so many divorces among couples?  The answer lies in the couples' lack of understanding in the areas of communication, conflict resolution and commitment & they are the 3Cs for every healthy marriage. 

Beliefs have also shifted.  The heart of the marriage has been damaged by cohabitation, change in sex & gender roles, wedding is viewed as a status symbol and premarital sex is of no consequence.  

Our keynote speakers, Dr Wayde & Rosalyn Goodall from Colorado mentioned that the Marriage Bureau believe that there are 3 healthy programmes that will help people stay married.

1)  Premarital Counselling Course

2)  Marriage Mentoring

3)  Ongoing education - eg seminars

When a couple goes through premarital counselling course, the divorce rate goes down by about 50% and with mentoring and ongoing education, couples do not get divorced.  That was proven by the Goodalls, & many others, when they mentor couples taking them from 1 to 3 above.

Well, we had been there, done that! 

We do not have a perfect marriage but we have a great one.  To expect perfection in each other is unrealistic; It's like looking at a Greek statue with no blemishes, polished to perfection.  Who would know of any human like that?  So unexciting!

Daddy is my life partner and we are called by God to be a team to serve God. Because I'm married, my life's mission is to be bound together with your dad. The strength of a ministry depends in a great measure on the person that you choose as a marriage partner because this person can either lift you up or bury you.  I'm grateful we move with one heartbeat, speak the same language & are on the same spiritual level.  God has a purpose for us within the overall vision of FCBC and our marital happiness is subject to obeying the Word of God.  Eph 1:11 "In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined acc to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will."  No wonder I'm not allowed to remain single!

Sure, the above pointers mentioned by the speakers are important coz they are handles for a good marriage but more important, it's the spiritual dimension that will make your marriage a blessing to others. 

It is important to understand that God intends to redeem marriages and families and to restore them to His original plan.  Marriage was God's original idea.

Like to share a few verses about the husband and wife but I cant seem to find appropriate ones for the man except that he is always encouraged to love his wife.

Eph 6:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word."

Colossians 4:19 "Husbands, love your wives & do not be harsh with them." 

 

Proverbs 19:14 "Houses & wealth are inherited from parents but a prudent wife is from the Lord."

Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a good wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord."

A good marital relationship brings :

1) honour to the man

2) dignity to the woman &

3) security to their children

 

God ... our greatest ally

Mum

A Dose of Inspiration

A native American boy was talking with his grandfather.

"What do you think about the world situation?"  he asked.

The grandfather replied, "I feel like wolves are fighting in my heart.  One is full of anger & hatred; the other is full of love, forgiveness & peace."

"Which one will win?"  asked the boy.

To which the grandfather replied, "The one I feed."

A Hundred & One

When nothing seems to work, I go and look at a stonecutter
hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without
as much as a crack showing in it.

Yet at the hundred & first blow, it will split in 2, & I know it was
not that blow that did it    -     but all that had gone before.

Jacob Riis

The spirit of perseverance doesnt come naturally.  It requires a steadfast mind to keep at it.

When Broken By Stress

Children, Psalm 71:20  says "You have let me sink down deep in desperate problems.  But you will bring me back to life again up from the depths of the earth."

Often I get responses from people saying sth like this, "I feel I am on the verge of a breakdown. I just cant cope.  My doctor says I am suffering from stress."  Can the Word of God meet this need?  I'm bold to say that it can.


One doctor defines stress as 'wear & tear on the personality which, if uncorrected, can result in physical or mental breakdown.'  A British osteopath who has made a special study of stress, claims that it comes from 2 main causes : (1) too little change, or (2) too much change.  He says that 'to function at peak efficiency, we all need a certain amount of novelty & change.  However, when changes come too fast for us to cope with, the personality is put under tremendous stress.'

Have you heard of Dr Thomas H. Holmes?  He is a recognised authority on stress & he measures stress in terms of 'units of change'. 
(1)  Death of a loved one - 100 units
(2)  Divorce - 73 
(3)  Marriage - 50 
(4)  Pregnancy - 40
(5)  Male & Female differences - 39
(6)  Change in no. of arguments with spouse - 35
(7)  Mortgage or loan for a major purchase - 31
(8)  Change in responsiblity @ work/trouble with in-laws/child leaving home - 29
(9)  Change in social activities/change in working hours or working conditions - 20


No one can handle more than 300 units of stress in a 12-mth period without suffering physically or emotionally during the nx 2 years.  Holmes, of course, was speaking from a strictly human point of view - with God 'all things are possible'.

Psalm 139:23 "Search me O God, & know my heart, test me & know my anxious thoughts".

What then is the 1st step toward recovery from, or prevention of, stress? I identify what causes me to feel stressed.  
What is one thing above all others tt makes me feel jumpy & irritable or gives me the feeling I cant cope? I keep questioning myself until I can pin down the things tt produce stress. After that I apply biblical principles that will not only modify its impact, but enable me to turn my weaknesses into strengths.

If you do not arrest the stress factors, you can be irritable & over-act to relatively trivial frustrations, laugh less, hv no inspiration fm bible reading & become plagued with feelings of inadequacy & self-doubt.  Sometimes stress manifests itself physically eg tension headaches, indigestion/lack of appetite, ulcer in the stomach or acute stomach pains.  I remembered feeling so stressed with my biz partners that I fell sick several times that year due to certain expectations fm me & handling personalities who are different from me & of course trying to accomplish too many things during the day.

So I've learnt that to cope with stress while dealing with different personalities be it in biz, in the cell, or at home, I have to try to overcome any rigidity in my personality.  Flexibility is the opposite of rigidity.  Rigidity is when a person clings to one's actions/attitudes even when objective conditions indicate a change is desirable.

I've learnt long ago to take a breather too - stop n smell the roses.  Lastly, we owe it to God & ourselves to find out the source of stress and lay them on the cross. Then believe that God will help/guide you.

Psalm 121:1-2  I lift up my eyes to the hill - where does my help come from?  

My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven & earth.

So, dont be stressed ok?  I know Calvin.. u were v edgy yesterday over you know what!  And tabby... r E l A x, you have such a beautiful smile, use it! 

Love, Mummy