Love Feelings

Hi little BIG chungs, T & C


Your dad and I met a couple who was having relationship problems a couple of days ago.

One of the questions asked was - is it possible to love someone and not feel it... also, can a person feel he loves someone only 50% today, another day, 70%? I would say yes because love is more than a feeling. It is primarily a decision. Married couples who misunderstand this point will have serious problems when the feeling of love disappears for a time.

Couples who genuinely love each other (not talking about infatuation which feels like love)will experience times of closeness, times when they feel apathetic, and times when they are irritated or cranky. That's just the way emotions operate. What then will hold them steady as feelings bounce all over the place?

The source of constancy is a COMMITMENT OF THE WILL. You simply make up your mind not to be blown off the limb by fluctuating and unreliable emotions.

Your dad and I have developed a lifelong love for each other, but it was not something we fell into; we grew into it and the process takes time. Love grows out of a familiarity with each other and gradually we come to appreciate the nuances of each other's personality.

Our society confuses love and lust all the time. However, you can differentiate them. Real love is utterly unselfish, a love that is directed outward to the person, not inward towards yourself. The greatest definition of love by far is described in the bible - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 :

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

There you have it!

May you continue to seek God in this important area of that lifetime Christian partner that He has reserved for both of you. I'm not talking about the perfect man or woman although every1 is looking for it. Look for that ONE thing. Not every christian has it though. If you still dun know kiddos, tsk..tsk...you have to ask me. That one characteristic (mentioned in the bible all the time) is a shield against addictions to infidelity, pornography, gambling, materialism and other behaviours that are damaging to a relationship. Your dad has it, very little at the beginning, but it grew as his intimacy with God increases. I didnt have it initially but it grew after I have both of you. From there, our marriage relationship experienced a deeper level of growth.

When couples are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy many advantages over families with no spiritual dimension. Marriage with God in it will build a lifetime of true intimacy and a dynamic relationship with your partner. Ta.

A Capsule Called 'Adolescence'

I have a story to tell.

Mr and Mrs Smith have been parenting a child for many years. This youngster has now emerged out of his childhood and feels confident enough (or so he thinks) to step out into the launching pad to board his capsule called 'adolescence'. His parents watch apprehensively as they wait for his rocket to fire.

The parents wish they could go with him, but there is only room for 1 person in the capsule. Besides, nobody invited them! Without warning, the mighty rocket engines begin to roar and the 'umbilical cord' falls away.

A few weeks later, his parents go through the scariest experience of their lives. They suddenly lose all contact with the capsule. They wonder what has happened to their communication ..?? how can this happen when they most wanted to be assured of their son's safety? Why won't he talk to them? This period of silence may continue for a few years. The same child who used to talk a mile a minute and asked a million questions has now reduced his vocab to monosyllabic phrases. They are "I dunno lah," "Maybe," "Noooo!(with shocked expression)" "I forgot" or "Huh?..What?!!". Otherwise, you can hear sounds like - groans, piggy grunts and growls over the receivers.

Years later, the Control Tower fears the spacecraft has been lost. Then, a few scratchy signals are finally picked up unexpectedly from a distant transmitter. The parents are jubilant as they hover near their radio. Was that really his voice? It is much deeper and more mature than they remembered. There it is again! There is no mistake about it - their spacey son has made a deliberate effort to correspond with them! It's a miracle!! He was only 14 when he blasted into space and now he is nearly 21. Could it be that the negative environment has been swept away and now communication is possible again?

YES. For most families, that is precisely what happens, and Peter and I are no exception. My 1st capsule has sort of landed and is communicating with us except for brief periods of time when powerful hormonal forces come into play and overtake the 'spacer'. As for the 2nd capsule, we hope it will land soon as we wait on the ground.

Parenting is never easy, coz we have to handle our own emotions too. We are expected to understand them when they hang out with their friends late in the night, doing things out of peer pressure in order to be accepted, or give whatever remnants of time left for us only to find they're gone coz they need that time to meet up with MORE friends or immerse in more activities.

Despite the stress of parenthood, more importantly, we know that we have followed what God says in Prov 22:6 :

'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.'

I believe with all my heart :)))) my children will grow to love God more, fear God and fulfill their destinies, and live fruitful and productive lives.

Physical Death

Today, I just came back from a friend's funeral, someone whom I had known for a long time. In fact, he was both Peter and my wedding co-ordinator, a good friend to have through thick and thin. His sudden death at age 55 brought a lot of shock and grief to many people including us. His aorta had major blockage and in fact after the angioplasty (which did not work), he had to go for heart bypass. The whole operation went terribly wrong and he was certified brain dead last Friday after 2am.

The bible tells us that our days are ordained by God, ie, God knows exactly when, where and how we will die. God knows absolutely everything about us (Psalms 139:1-6). Does this mean we have absolutely no control over when we will die? The answer is 'yes' and 'no' depending on the perspective.

The answer is 'yes' from God's perspective because God knows when, where and how we will die and there is nothing we can do to change that.

The answer can be a 'no' from our perspective because we do have an impact on when, where and how we die. Obviously, a person who commits suicide causes his own death. A person who dies because of a foolish decision (eg drug abuse) 'expedites' his own death. Likewise, a person who dies of lung cancer due to smoking and a person who dies of a heart attack due to a lifetime of extremely unhealthy eating & little exercise would not have died in the same way or at the same time if he had not smoked or had eaten healthier foods and exercised more. Yes, our own decisions have an impact on the manner, timing and place of our death.

Peter used to tell me years ago that I should be responsible for my own health, never taking my good health for granted. How else will I be able to look after my children, enjoy time with my husband, work, or minister to people if I do not see the doc when I'm sick or sleep earlier so that my body can have adequate rest? If what I do shortens my life, wouldnt I make Peter a widower, my children - 'motherless'?

I remember this scripture in James 4:13-15. It teaches me not to boast about tomorrow.

Now, listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.

I am to make wise decisions about how I live my life and how I take care of myself. And ultimately, I trust God for my life because He is sovereign and is in control of all things. In short, I am to live each day for God.

Love Has No Doubts

Today, my QT dwells on James 1:6-8

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

Do you have deep love toward Jesus? If you do, you will not have doubt in your heart when you read His Word and believe the promises that He has so graciously given us. We are partakers of His very essence and life. You will have faith.. coz whoever.. does not doubt in his heart but believes.. he will have whatever he says (Mark 11:23).

To believe and not doubt means not only believing in the existence of God, but also believing in His loving care. A mind that wavers is not completely convinced that God's way is best. It treats God's Word like any human advice and it retains the option to disobey. He does not really love God.

Imagine a young man and a young woman who love each other. One may go North and the other South, but because of their love, they will be faithful to each other; they disdain the very thought of either of them being untrue or impure. In the same way, in the measure that a person has faith in Jesus, he is true and pure.

God will be your strength in every weakness, and so when you go over to Canada for exchange, remember that the God of all grace, whose very essence is love, delights to give you liberally all life, strength and power that you need.

Love
Mum

God's Secret Weapon

I am in the mood for blogging. Anyway, today is your first spiritual food for the week before it ends.

Hear this... The devil hates women! That is the reason there is so much erroneous teaching in the body of Christ concerning what a woman can or cannot do. The devil wants to keep the women in bondage because he knows that women possess an arsenal on the inside of them that annihilates darkness.

Gen 3 : 14-15 It is the seed of the woman that will destroy satan and his seed.

God has placed a spiritual alarm inside every woman to do battle. This seed is sensitive to the seed or fruits of the satanic realm. Women can sense the set up of satan with great accuracy, eg, the wrong business move, a wrong association, a lie or something out of line with God's will. For this reason, satan wants to destroy the woman of God.

Women are more than 'sugar and spice and everything nice,' as a popular nursery rhyme describes little girls. The 2nd chap of Joel speaks of the 'fig tree', the 'grapevine' and the 'olive oil'. I believe this is what little girls are made of. The oil represents the anointing, the fig tree repre the sweetness and the wine (or grapevine) repre the new thing.

Does that mean the woman will surpass and rule over the man/husband? Surpass... yes, if he does not rise up to take up leadership; rule... no, coz the woman is to be his helper. A wife is to be a great helper, brings him good, not harm (in Proverbs 31) to her husband all the days of her life. A woman is worth far more than rubies if her character is moulded by God.

So... wherever you are now in your sp journey, no matter how dry you feel now in your spirit, no matter how you feel about yourself, know that God will be using you, more than you will ever imagine. You can impact the people near you. You are God's secret intelligence weapon. Hee... isn't that awesome, chubby cheeks?

Psalm 73: 26

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but GOd is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Love n Hugs
Mum

Mothers-Live-4ever

This is my first personal blog besides the one that I contribute from time to time on G12 cell blog.

This is really for my precious daughter who's feeling very dry and low spiritually. It's natural to feel like you are walking in a desert occasionally and my purpose of blogging is to encourage her. That's what mothers are for anyway. I like her to feel that a mother's presence is comforting and I will try my best to be there for her including Calvin.

Just like what my mother did for me. It has been 5 years since she had passed away and it's a sobering thought, and a painful one to realise that I am fully on my own after her death. I used to simply pick up the telephone and call her to ask for traditional Chinese medicines for treating various ailments or home-made soups for my family. There was no way I could give her flowers on her birthday to show my appreciation because she would nag at me for wasting money. For my mother, being with her was enough. Happiness was just that.

Now I am a mother figure to my 2 children, has been for the past 22 years. Frankly, sometimes I feel like a swan, holding my cool externally yet paddling madly below the water surface. The anguish of always having to be larger than life for my children to show that I am dependable and strong can be strenuous. Did my mother feel the same? She seemed so strong...

I'm glad I have a God whom I can draw my strength from and who always never fails to guide me and counsel me even when I lie down on my bed at night :)

On the other hand, being a mother can bring tremendous joy. Peter and I had lots of fun when our children joined us in our bedroom to play. They would jump and play 'horse' on our bed. We tickled one another blue as they rolled and romped on our bed. There were times when they wrote little notes to say they love us or when I received a lovely hand-made birthday card or greeting card for Mother's Day. It was extremely delightful to read their thoughts on paper too, either complaining about some unhappiness or apologising for some wrongs. In my busy schedule, I took pains to collate all the notes in 2 journals so that I can laugh at their childishness with Peter when time permits. Haha..

The journey of a mother is a generative and nurturing one, filled with sweetness, deep delight and love, notwithstanding the pain and hurt that come along as well. That is life!

May all children see the woman in their mother - a woman still growing and learning (no matter what her age is ) who gives her best for them and deserves the best to be given to her. May all mothers also see the need to earn respect and love from their children; to remove the "I know it all" and "Because I say so" arrogance.

The bible mentions there is a time for everything in Ecclesiastes. Yes, there is a time to hold on, a time to let go, a time to say 'no' and a time to let it be. To know how to do all this with graciousness is wisdom.

Proverbs 2:6-11

For the Lord gives wisdom,
and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for the upright,
He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones.
Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path.
For wisdom will ENTER YOUR HEART,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Discretion will protect you,
and understanding will guard you.