Sorry I took so long to write but before I write about the Roles of Husband and Wife, I should write about the marriage covenant. This is very important for all Christians ie if they want a long lasting marriage.
I heard Derek Prince talk about the marriage covenant and I'm going to base this writing on his teachings. It is superb teaching and one I feel everyone should know and understand about covenants.
If people understood the power of marriage as a covenant,it will remove a lot of the mushy sentimentality. It is possible to have a successful marriage (look at mine and many others which I can show you). The success of a marriage does not depend on lack of tension or problems but it depends on establishing a relationship which can stand or overcome these tensions or problems. Some couples who attend the course put 'No Conflict' within their top 5 expectations. If anyone does that, it tells us that he/she is not realistic at all. Even a good marriage has conflicts and if handled properly, goes on to become a strong marriage.
The key to a successful marriage is found in the bible and it only works when you apply it.
God's prophet Malachi has this to say in Malachi 2:13-14 "Another thing you do. You flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep & wail because he (God) no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands.You ask, "Why?" It is because the Lord is acting as the witness between you & the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant."
In Malachi, you can see God attaches a lot of importance to covenants much more than most of us realise it. The men divorced their wives and ignored the bonding between a husband and a wife that God instills (the 2 becomes 1 person) so God was not answering their prayers.
A covenant demands, first, a total & whole-hearted commitment. God sets the terms not men. We may laugh at our grandparents' arranged marriage. Old fashioned as it seemed, their marriage lasted. It worked! Because they understood their obligations to each other rather than running on feelings. Marriage is not meant to be based on romantic or sentimental love on your honeymoon, believe me, it is different when you are back to reality, that is, face the pressure at work, clean the house, cook the meals, mind the kids - on some of those days when you are overwhelmed with work, you wont feel like loving your spouse but it takes commitment to rough through those moments and then things would light up again.
Secondly, a covenant requires a sacrifice. It means the taking of a life.
Hebrew 9:16-17 "In the case of a will, it is necessary to prove the death of the one who made it, because a will is in force only when somebody has died; it never takes effect while the one who made it is living. This is why even the first covenant was not put into effect without blood."
The will here refers to a covenant. A marriage covenant is the same as God's covenant to us. God fulfilled his part of the covenant by sending his son Jesus to die for us. His death when we accept it in faith, becomes our death. Likewise, in a marriage covenant, each spouse lays down his/her life for the other, laying aside their desires in order to serve each other. The husband looks at the cross & says, "That death was my death. When I came through the cross, I died. I no longer live for myself." The wife looks at the cross and says the same thing.
However, the attitude of contemporary culture towards marriage is "What can I get?" or "What is there in this for me?".
When commitment is present, it releases God's grace. Divine grace is an indispensable gift from God for development, improvement & character expansion. WIthout God's grace, there are certain limitations, weaknesses, flaws, impurities & faults humans cannot overcome. Without commitment, God will not release His grace until both parties have made that commitment. Grace is never released in experimental 'marriage'.
In our marriage, we will never say these 2 things:
(1) I have married the wrong person.
(2) I want to divorce you.
It's our promise to each other that no matter how bad our situation is, we do not say these words or dwell on it so we are forced to find a solution to our problems or seek a mentor for help. When a couple stop living their own lives, their marriage will reflect the glory of God.
Harriet