Hi Champ!
It's great to know that you are adjusting rather well to Canadian lifestyle and University life. It is also nice to know that you have found friends to go gym with - Michael, decent cool CBC & another guy. Close to 2 weeks in school, you managed to charm 2 girls to cook dinner for you??Must be the charming genes you have inherited from me... Hee..
Anyway, I was prompted to write my thoughts about friendships for quite a while since you place a lot of importance on friends. And rightly so since God wants all His children to have good friendships. There are clear definitions in the Bible of what a good friendship is and what a bad friendship is.
Last night I met up with a young lady who has problems with her fiance because he is spending a lot of time drinking with his friends especially on weekends. He was a non drinker and didnt go to pubs or thai clubs but since he got to know this crowd, he would very often go out with them to 'chill out'. She was really angry with them especially with one of the guys who would persistently call up her fiance every week to have a drink. His friends had caused a wedge between the couple who had enjoyed weekends together just hanging loose, laughing at each other's silly jokes or going out with their close friends. She had initially allowed him to go. As time went by, the weekly drinking session had progressed to short trips to Vietnam.
Funny enough, the next day, I had a business meeting with an older lady. After the business discussion, she told me that she is unhappy with her husband going on frequent cycling trips with his friends around Spore. He frequently takes a few days off work to bike in Thailand and this has become a common affair, so much so that he was often not around to take his child to classes on weekends which was his responsibility.
His saving grace is that he wants his wife to come along but she doesnt like sports. Hmm.. I told her she better like it or else his friends will take away her husband. Unlike his friends, they refused to take their wives along. I feel that the minute a husband feels that he needs time-outs from his wife at a frequency of more than once a week, it is a symptom of problematic issues in a marriage.
Having said that, it is hard to stop a man from frequent activities or drinking sessions unless he sees it as a stronghold or issue, rather than a restriction which he will then view as controlling ;(
Ps Marilyn said that sometimes these so-called same sex group outings will find strays of the opposite sex attending too.. that's when the trouble starts. One guy thought nothing about flirting with a gal acquaintance he met in one such outing through SMS and his wife was furious, thinking she should allow him his time & space with his guy friends and this girl popped up from nowhere! Although he didnt sleep with her, the intention was there - to play around. He flirted with her.
So you see, choose whom you want to hang out with. Dont be afraid to say 'No' to mere man. At then end of your life, it is God who will judge you not man.
Anyway, this business friend shared her husband's former hang-out crowd was worse. They not only drink strong liquor but also encouraged her husband to dabble in shares to make quick bucks. As a result, her husband lost a total of 1/2 a million dollars while the rest of his friends lost 1-2 million dollars. Most of them could not pay up & declared themselves bankrupts. Needless to say, most of their marriages broke up and the men are now divorced. With that, the group dispersed coz they were never close to begin with. Fortunately for this couple, my friend was willing to stick by her husband even though he was foolish & naive.
1 Corinthians 15:33 says that 'Bad company corrupts good character'. Many people make the mistake of associating with the wrong crowd and in the end destroy their own lives.
The world glamorizes the use of alcohol & drugs. Even though society tells us that drinking is fun, that people who drink are social & attractive, the Word tells us something very different.
Proverbs 20:1 "Wine is a mocker & beer a brawler, whoever is led astray by them is not wise."
1 Corin 6:10 gives a stern warning, "Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of God."
I do drink wine occasionally but rarely do I exceed 1 full glass. If I know that someone's faith will stumble because I drink wine, then I will not touch it in his/her presence. I live by this verse in 1 Corin 6:12 " Everything is permissible for me but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me but I will not be mastered by anything."
So what is a good friend? Ecc 4:9-12 says a good friend has a POSITIVE INFLUENCE on you. It says two are better than one and it goes on to say how life is much better when you have such a friend. An example of a close friendship in the bible is the story of Jonathan and David. They were very close friends and even though Jonathan's father, King Saul wanted to kill David, Jonathan stood by his friend & also warned David of his father's every move.
What about friendships with non believers? The bible clearly states that the believers are different from the non believers...they are described in terms of opposites: those in darkness/those in light, those with eternal life/those with eternal death, those who believe the truth/those who believe the lies etc.
Proverbs has a few wise verses on believers befriending the non believers. Prov 12:26 "The righteous (believers) should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray" Having an intimate relationship with non believers is not recommended for the following reasons:
- you may water down the truth of scriptures so as not to offend them
- they can be a hindrance to your walk with God if you are not strong
- you may fall back into a sinful life
There is nothing wrong with building quality friendships with non believers, but the primary focus of such a relationship is to win them over to Christ & demonstrates God's power & love in our lives.
When I was very young, I visited Zouk and other places out of curiosity. Zouk is not a clean place & there are lots of spirits of lust lurking all over the place. Places like these do alter behaviours because of these territorial spirits. They have the right to be there. I see behaviours altered in my friends when they went wild - it is like an evil influence that comes over a person. Once my friend's boyfriend told us that he saw a sexy pretty woman with one eye in the centre of her forehead dancing erotically amongst the crowd of young people. That was a demonic being. So creepy! You can visit places like this once out of curiosity but if you go there a 2nd time, a 3rd time, it is no more a curiosity; you have an intention. Behind every action, there is always an intention.
Finally, Jesus is the ultimate friend of man. John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
Well Champ, I encourage you to seek out godly friends who are cool, adventurous and yet have the fear of the Lord. Stay away from friends who can lead you astray. If they fall & 'die', you will too coz you are with them. Be wise. Things which a person does frequently will develop into a habit. Once the habit is formed, it becomes a lifestyle. Once the lifestyle is formed, it becomes your character. Then you will be what you are by your character.
God will bless you with good friends & you will grow strong in the Lord, useful for every good works.
Hugs
Mum