You see the picture on the right? Dont ever go to monster-com, you might date someone called Vampire instead of a werewolf... Vampires suck your blood dry, if you know what I mean..hahaha ..
I once heard a man ask a church leader, "How does the Lord guide us in finding a mate?" The leader's answer was "Commit your way to the Lord, trust in him & he will do it." That sure wasnt helpful to the young man. I'm not saying scriptures arent important but at that moment that chap was just asking for some handles. That's what I will be attempting to do - give you some guidelines but the final say is from God.
As you know already, God is the one who came up with the idea of marriage and He is the one who will find the spouse for all his children. He found a wife for Isaac, Abraham's son (Genesis 24:11-21). God was very specific and He told Abraham to send his servant to a place by the well and there he would encounter Isaac's future wife.
There are some things we ought to take note in finding our life partner.
1) Cultivate right friendship
Normally,marriage develops out of friendship. If you mix with people of the same faith, same commitment to God, same goals, then that's a great pool & it is much easier for God to provide you a mate of his choice out of the Christian friends that you have. Therefore, keeping an eye on the group you are hanging out with is important. Mixing with believers is a safeguard against marrying a non believer.
Immoral behaviours & ungodly habits in the person you are dating are red flags. That includes girls as well. When I was17, I got to know an 18 year old girl who told me about the many things she received from the guys she dated and as I got to know her better, she told me erotic stories of what she did with those guys & even encouraged me to go out with them. I had to cut off my friendship with her as I didnt want to be in the company of her male friends.
I loved to ice skate in my secondary school days and so after school on Fridays, I would go ice-skating with my classmates. On one occasion, a young Indonesian guy came to the rink & passed out his name cards to girls he took a fancy to. After skating, I tore up his card & threw it into the bin. His intention was simple, he just wanted to sleep around. Also, guys like that always think they are God's gift to women!
2) Approval from Parents
If God speaks to you about marrying someone, God will definitely speak to your parents about that potential son in law or daughter in law. It is so important that you get approval from parents otherwise they will not bless your marriage. I had to break the cursed words (received from in-laws) from a friend's life simply because her in-laws did not approve of her marriage to their son. Her marriage had problems right from the beginning.
3) Confirmation from your Pastor, leaders or godly Christian friends
Godly leaders can play a significant role in our lives & we can go to them to seek counsel. When God places a leader over you, God does give his authority and power to the leader over the members that he is taking care of.
4) Hearing God's voice through reading the bible
Often, we overlook the Word of God and instead we look at our circumstances or look for open doors. Remember whatever circumstances or open doors we find ourselves in, we still have to look to the Word for confirmation. Satan can open wrong doors for you and can deceive you through signs. A young girl whom I know said she was so wrong to allow signs to deceive her. She prayed and said to God that the first stranger-man who carried her in his arms would be the one. It did happen but her relationship did not have a happy ending because it lacked the strong backing from the Word of God.
Some of us have difficulty in hearing God's voice through the Word. After all, the bible is just white sheets of paper with black ink and how can that ever become a voice, the spoken Word of God? There is only one power that can turn those black ink on white paper into the voice of GOd and that power is the Holy Spirit. We are to be totally dependent on Him. Say, "Holy Spirit, help me to understand your Word, tell me what I need to know." And then that still small voice which is God's spirit will guide you from within.
Sometimes when God speaks, I hear it in my heart; it feels like my heart at that moment skip a beat, or my heartbeat quickens because the words 'jump' at me. Your heart must be programmed to open at one voice - God's voice!
5) Wait for God's timing
Rushing into a marriage is disastrous because you will choose a man or a women over the Lord. We find this is true in the bible. Solomon's heathen wives led him into idolatry. Samson lost his eyes because of Delilah. David committed murder because of his passionate lust for Bathsheba. They were not wives chosen by God.
There is an appointed time for you to meet your mate. If you trust in God fully, you will not miss that divine appointment. It may be at the most unlikely places. Listen & wait for God's confirmation.
6) Emotions can be misleading
Our emotions need to be cleansed often. If God is not in the relationship, it is not true love. What this world calls love is really lust since it is built on what the other person can do for me, not what I can do for him/her.
Satan can give us emotions or feelings of love for someone of his choosing so that he can split up marriages or relationships. One of his favourite techniques is to suddenly take away the feelings one once had for his/her mate & give the feelings for someone else. When satan has successfully convinced a person that he/she no longer loves his/her mate, then he leads their relationship to destruction.
Certainly God can give us wonderful emotional feelings for the one we are to marry. However, these 'feelings' without God's direction can be disastrous as satan can tamper with our emotions & feelings too. Emotions should always follow NOT lead!
7) Realise Your Value
Christians belittle themselves and underestimate themselves. What they do not realise is that they are really criticizing God and his workmanship.
Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." No matter what we have been before becoming a Christian, in Christ, we are God's masterpiece. In Christ, we have the forgiveness of sins.
Don't make yourself cheap, particularly girls in their relationship with a man. If a young man gets something cheap, he isnt going to value it very highly. Any young man that is worth marrying is not interested in a young woman who throws herself at him. Of course, it doesnt mean that the young woman has to be proud but it does mean that she has to live in such a way that the young man can see her value. It is unlikely that anyone will value you more highly than yourself. So all of us need to get rid of low self esteem and get the facts right about ourselves. We are God's masterpiece; Jesus came to redeem every sinner, cleanse him/her & then set him/her apart for Himself for good works.
8) Dont Be Idealistic
Some people are too idealistic about whom they would consider marrying. Since God is perfect, it is felt that you must not settle for anyone who does not fully measure up to the image of an ideal mate. Such persons are too quick to bail out of a relationship at the 1st sign of another's imperfections while others wait endlessly for that perfect relationship that never comes along.
Im simply amazed at some parents who want a perfect son-in-law or daughter-in-law for their imperfect son and daughter!
lp I shall write about sex in my next blog. It will be something interesting for you since you are a new Christian. Sex is not just the physical union between a man and a woman; it is through the sexual union within marriage that the man and the woman truly discover & know each other in the innermost parts of their personalities.
Harriet