Well C Champ, this is for you. Many young people have asked us for practical suggestions for the selection of a partner. First, you just cannot depend on looks or personality alone. There are some things you have to seriously consider :
1) DONT MARRY THE PERSON YOU THINK YOU CAN LIVE WITH.
MARRY THE PERSON YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT.
Your dad and I always show the above catchphrase in our marriage classes.
Marriage can be difficult even if two people are passionately in love with each other. It is murder when they dont have that foundation to build on. Love has to be based on God for it to last.
2) BE EQUALLY YOKED
If you are a deeply committed Christian, you will find someone with whom you can share the same values, build those values based on God as a legacy to be passed down to the next generation. When it comes to one's decision to marry, this matter should be given the highest priority. It's kinda of like sharing the same bed and having the same dreams.
3) CHARACTERISTICS THAT YOU CANNOT TOLERATE
Dont marry a person and then secretly plan to change her after marriage. That is unfair and it wont work coz behaviour or character is already formed during early childhood and it is very hard to change it. Therefore, if you cant live with a characteristic that shows up constantly during courtship, it may plague you for the rest of your life.
Red flags such as foolishness with money, extreme selfishness, tendency to violence, drinking problems, promiscuity, etc, should not be ignored. What you see is what you get! You think there is no violent woman.. - I had to counsel one who threw her spouse's hp at him (missed him) and hurled his new laptop against the wall!! A very expensive fight!
So if you marry a sunflower, dont expect her to smell like a rose! Take this advice.. It is good to keep your eyes w -i-d-e open before marriage and then half-closed thereafter.
4) DONT MARRY IMPULSIVELY OR UNDER OBLIGATION..TAKE TIME
Some couples do not give careful thought & prayer when it comes to this critical decision. Be aware of girls who marry impulsively because they want to escape their unhappiness in their family or their fear of loneliness. Some marry coz they are obligated to the other partner even though love is lost due to many reasons. It takes time to get acquainted & to walk through the early stages of the bonding process. It takes more than a year to get beyond the facade of the other person and into the inner character of the other person.
5) KEEP YOURSELF PURE BEFORE MARRIAGE
To do otherwise is a bad idea for many reasons.
1st, it is a violation of GOd's law.
2ndly, it undermines a relationship. Excessive physical touching outside of marriage leads to formation of a soul tie, & the lust that accompanies it make that tie unclean, which opens the door for unclean spirits.
3rdly, in keeping with the theme of marital bonding, you have 'stolen' a level of intimacy that is not warranted at that point, nor is it validated by the degree of commitment to each other. Save sexual intimacy for marriage. God's commands and ways are always the best & right way; it always protects us and is the healthiest for everyone concerned.
Let me tell you the ultimate secret of lifelong love. In a nutshell, the stability of a relationship or marriage is a iron-willed determination of a couple to make it work. If you want to go the distance, you have to do a marathon (like us), not a sprint. There is no back door for divorce too. When the back door is shut tightly, the couple has to work on their differences through honest constructive communication. But if for reasons such as violence, couples are advised to stay apart for a while, not divorce each other, until a solution is found.
Finally, women need men to be romantic, caring & loving which is what GOd says in Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives (all year round, i'm afraid), ...v28 husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Men need women to be respectful, supportive and loyal in all seasons of his life. Ephesians 5:33 "...the wife must respect her husband." When a man gets all the respect, support & loyalty from his partner, he will definitely feel loved.
LOVE & RESPECT - it's an unbeatable combination dont you think??!!
Remembering you in my prayers always, not forgetting tab, Mum
