Hi little BIG chungs, T & CYour dad and I met a couple who was having relationship problems a couple of days ago.
One of the questions asked was - is it possible to love someone and not feel it... also, can a person feel he loves someone only 50% today, another day, 70%? I would say yes because love is more than a feeling. It is primarily a decision. Married couples who misunderstand this point will have serious problems when the feeling of love disappears for a time.
Couples who genuinely love each other (not talking about infatuation which feels like love)will experience times of closeness, times when they feel apathetic, and times when they are irritated or cranky. That's just the way emotions operate. What then will hold them steady as feelings bounce all over the place?
The source of constancy is a COMMITMENT OF THE WILL. You simply make up your mind not to be blown off the limb by fluctuating and unreliable emotions.
Your dad and I have developed a lifelong love for each other, but it was not something we fell into; we grew into it and the process takes time. Love grows out of a familiarity with each other and gradually we come to appreciate the nuances of each other's personality.
Our society confuses love and lust all the time. However, you can differentiate them. Real love is utterly unselfish, a love that is directed outward to the person, not inward towards yourself. The greatest definition of love by far is described in the bible - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 :
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There you have it!
May you continue to seek God in this important area of that lifetime Christian partner that He has reserved for both of you. I'm not talking about the perfect man or woman although every1 is looking for it. Look for that ONE thing. Not every christian has it though. If you still dun know kiddos, tsk..tsk...you have to ask me. That one characteristic (mentioned in the bible all the time) is a shield against addictions to infidelity, pornography, gambling, materialism and other behaviours that are damaging to a relationship. Your dad has it, very little at the beginning, but it grew as his intimacy with God increases. I didnt have it initially but it grew after I have both of you. From there, our marriage relationship experienced a deeper level of growth.
When couples are deeply committed to Jesus Christ, they enjoy many advantages over families with no spiritual dimension. Marriage with God in it will build a lifetime of true intimacy and a dynamic relationship with your partner. Ta.